Darren: I looked at your pass 3 and your proposal, but I didn’t look at your pass 1 or 2, so these comments lack that background. In pass 3, the chemotherapy seemed to come unexpectedly. I didn’t feel like I understood what the condition was that Tom was suffering from.
I really like the movie and the caption at the beginning that helped to set the mood and the idea of a young guy feeling good about helping his elders in the context of golf is pretty neat. Perhaps in pass four you could make an image map of a hole that allowed the reader to click on the beginning (at the tee box to learn about Tom and Mike), click somewhere in the rough (learn about back story and chemo), and click near the hole (to discover the rich exchange between Mike and Tom).
Darren: I looked at your pass 3 and your proposal, but I didn’t look at your pass 1 or 2, so these comments lack that background. In pass 3, the chemotherapy seemed to come unexpectedly. I didn’t feel like I understood what the condition was that Tom was suffering from.
I really like the movie and the caption at the beginning that helped to set the mood and the idea of a young guy feeling good about helping his elders in the context of golf is pretty neat. Perhaps in pass four you could make an image map of a hole that allowed the reader to click on the beginning (at the tee box to learn about Tom and Mike), click somewhere in the rough (learn about back story and chemo), and click near the hole (to discover the rich exchange between Mike and Tom).